Sometimes you need to shut down to open up

I have attempted to write this post many times, but it’s never really felt like “the right time”. I would start typing away and then I’d read it over and think to myself, “really?” as my problems feel so mundane compared to other things going on in the world. 2017, has been a year of huge accomplishments and it feels like I blinked and the supercharged year is almost over.

I will always remember this year as it’s the year I married my best friend. I became a wife which is something for a long time I didn’t think would ever be possible. It’s the year I said goodbye to many things that held emotional value as it was these things I had to rid my life of, because the value began to be negative and letting them go meant opening up something positive.

It has been a year that I have developed many skills and evolved into something more powerful than I ever imagined. A career women, a coach, and a brutally honest human being.
This year the role as carer was reversed and I nursed a very unwell mother. This was emotionally taxing as it gave me an insight into the struggles she battled when it was her caring for me. I provided motivation, a shoulder, and shed light to my husband as he battled demons.

I further dipped my toe into another realm. One that I had always believed in and knew that it was the magic that pulled me from the dark places I went to back in 2009 when I was first injured.
I met extraordinary people. Those that I know I have met before and will play a significant part in my future.
I was bitten by the travel bug, and boy did that little sucker open me up to a whole new world of adventure. It gave me more determination to visit new places and leave my tyre marks across the globe.

I battled chronic illness that at times was so debilitating that I questioned if I actually had enjoyed all the things that I have mentioned above or did I just push myself through them so that I could say, “I may be in a wheelchair, but I still have a life”. It was during these moments that I was re-acquainted with my hatred for the word “inspirational” as I often think, what the hell is inspirational about me? I am just purely playing the cards that I have been dealt with as sometimes I see this as a two-option game.

Give in, or give it all you’ve got. I try to live a normal life. But at the end of the day, my life will never be normal. What is normal anyway? For those born with disabilities, I guess their lives are normal in their own sense. But for those who have suffered traumatic injury what we once considered normal has been taken away from us. There is nothing normal about consistently fighting the system to acquire funds to pay for equipment and continuance aids just to be told you’re on a two-year waiting list, especially when you’ve already been on one for 8! There is nothing normal about marrying your significant other just to be told that your funding will be taken away from you for trying to live a “normal” life.

There is nothing normal about driving to a planned destination and having to turn around because you have had an accident, and I’m not talking about a car accident. There is nothing normal about feeling so frustrated that you can’t open a jar, clean your house, or change a light bulb. But in amongst all this anguish somehow, I was able to realise that behind all of this unfamiliar territory was something, believe it or not, normal. We are all playing the cards we have been dealt with, and every single one of us is fighting a battle that in our eyes isn’t or shouldn’t be considered normal. I always come back to the same mentality & mantra. Life is what you make it and we are all fighting unwanted battles, but the strength that derives from these challenges makes us who we are and while we don’t think much of ourselves, somebody else is watching you overcome these battles and to them, you ARE inspirational. Now you just have to see it too. So, my biggest goal for 2018 is to give myself a little credit but at the same time remember that when some days are tough, tomorrow will be better!